I want to be tall, feminine, assertive and envied,
Yet somehow be invisible.
I want to be admired, respected, different and to stand out from the crowd,
Yet somehow not be noticed.
I want to feel FULL of love, warmth, satisfaction and content,
Yet somehow to feel empty.
I feel stronger as I feel weaker, more definate as I disappear,
I gain an ability to function as I lose my ability to be functioning
To resist is to succeed,
To yearn is to be rewarded,
To need is to be needed.
I am strong as my body grows weak,
I am definate as I disappear,
I am able to function as I become dysfunctional.
Yet it is your help that I truly fear.
Yet guilt from your love causes this tear
Yet say the words and I turn my head not to hear.
My inner self grows and my outsides collapse,
This smile keeps the hurt well under wraps.
No one need know,
I am but me,
Out there for (no) one to actually see.
By Jenna Burton